Eigenleben One's Own Life
by MasterMind v.2.0
Summary: Schuldig has one reason to discover where Crawford disappears to, and when he finds out, he sees only one way out... (slight SxB, RxB. Mentioned Yx?, YxS (barely) and NxO)


**Eigenleben – One's Own Life**

_Authored By- SchuSchu-chan (Little Bunny SchuSchu!)_

_Genre- Humor/Drama/Angst – Well, that's an odd combination…_

_Couplings- SchuxBrad, RanxBrad, Yohjix?, NagixOmi, FarfarelloxSally_

_OOC Everybody, honestly. But because it's a fanfiction, and never happened in the animated series, aren't all fanfics OOC? Besides, we're never presented with how a certain character relates to a certain situation. A cold hearted bastard may not stay a cold hearted bastard when faced with love…_

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(Schuldig's P.O.V.)

Two years now. Two years since the downfall of Schwarz. Well, Esset really, we just kind of gave up after that. Farfarello ran off with that Sally girl – that was a surprise, her being religious and all. Plus, I always thought Farfarello was asexual.

And Nagi, dear sweet Nagi, who travels the same road I do, if you catch my meaning, has found – as he so mushily puts it- his 'soul mate'. Yuck. But still, who would have predicted that one. Prodigy of Schwarz, and Bombay of Weiss? The only reason I knew about them earlier than anyone else was because Nagi would sneak him home when Br- …Crawford was out, usually at a meeting. Apparently, Weiss was too overprotective of Bombay and wouldn't even give him some privacy so that he could 'hang out with a friend from school'. Hah. Suuuure.

So anyway, they'd always land up at our 'house'. Then one night, Crawford called and told me that I needed to fetch Nagi for dinner or he wouldn't eat that night. Last time I had to retrieve Nagi, I had the genius idea of unplugging his computer. I soon learned a simple, new math equation. If A=Schuldig, B=Computer and C=Nagi, then if A turns off B, A gets forcibly thrown into a wall by C, who leaves A to rot. I have the scars to prove it. Hey, I didn't know he was working on the 'über-important' mission report. I wish I'd never taught the kid some German…he loves to throw it into random conversation. It confused Crawford sometimes.

But that day, things went a little different, an exception to the rule. We added a new variable, D=Bombay. I walked up to Nagi's room, which is…was secluded from the rest of the house, and as usual, I was not paying attention. Otherwise, I would have noticed the strange- Well, strange for Nagi- noises and you know. Knocked first! But nope, I just barged right in there. One of the stupidest things I've ever done. Those damned horny kids. They were going at it at a pace I've never matched, and that's saying something – 'cause trust me, I've done a lot. Hell, even that slut, Kudou's probably never matched it… although, when the two of us teamed up, we got pretty damn close. Take teamed up to mean what you wish.

And damn. Those two will never have any problems finding willing lovers, should they go looking. I mean, I still put them to shame, I'm German(1) after all(2)- but I learned something that day. Size is _not_ relative to height. Not that I'm into shota-kon or anything, but honestly, how could you not notice? From then on, I always wondered if they had problems walking. Never got to ask, it was just another random thought to keep me sane.

But they're gone now. Moved up to Hokkaido after Weiss split. I think they're in Hokkaido, I know that they're somewhere where they could be alone. Haven't heard from them in a while. Wonder how they're doing?

Myself and Brad? Well, we're still here. I guess we've just gotten too used to everything to move again. The house, the city, each other. Okay, we're a little too used to each other. He doesn't notice anything I do anymore. He didn't notice my lovely red hair turn ghastly white there for a while, and didn't notice when it changed back, because I got sick of looking like an albino. With blue eyes, so not really an albino, but whatever.

My flirtations are not noticed, either. I guess I must have 'flirted' with him a little too much when we were younger. But the difference between then and now? Now, the flirtations are real.

Would you call me a 'whiny little girl' if I told you I was hopelessly in love with Bradley Crawford and the only things he knows about me are that I exist and I'm a telepath. Oh yes, and a slut. In his own mind. I'll have you know I've only slept with five people. Okay, I'm underestimating, more like a hundred. Only a few numbers off. But I've stopped that now.

And there's so much about him that I don't know either. His history, family, hell, is Bradley Crawford even his real name? But the most important thing I need to know would be where he disappears to every night.

Every night, I sit in silence, staring at nothing until I hear a click from his bedroom door, then my attention focuses onto him, as it always does.

And tonight, here it goes again. I'm sitting here as usual, staring at the blank wall that never changes. The television used to be there, but once Farfarello put a huge gaping hole in it with his knife, we just didn't bother to get another one.

There it is, the gentle familiar click my ears are accustomed to, and immediately search out.

Following my normal routine, I turn just my eyes toward him and watch until he leaves. But that's not all – tonight, I'm going to figure everything out. Solve my problems, and maybe, just maybe, do the impossible. Tell Bradley how I feel about him…truthfully. But that probably won't happen.

First, I'll go to my room and change. Have to wear all black clothing because I can't risk being seen. The results could be very bad. I remember back in Schwarz, when I fucked up a mission, Crawford beat me to within two feet of my life, and then locked me and Farfarello in the 'White Room' – the padded cell- together, for the rest of the night. I slept with one eye open then.

So getting caught is out of the options. I move as quick as I can, but try to remain silent. Luckily, I was gifted with quick reflexes, so that helps me a bit.

I stay about 10-15 feet behind him, and I'm glad he doesn't notice. I don't know why he didn't foresee this – must have left the precognition at home in a lockbox under his bed.

I'm getting more confused now. We're apparently heading to the park- Bradley never struck me as the 'go to the park and angst in the dark' type. But I'll follow him, the truth must come out! For great justice!

We're here now – Well, Bradley's technically the only one here, I'm not supposed to be, but I am. He's just sitting there, calmly. You know, it almost looks like he's waiting for someone. But who? I watch as the gate near the front of the park squeals, and all his attention shifts towards it, just like mine and his door. Someone is here, and Crawford's facial expression twists into a smile. A fucking, honest smile. He's never smiled for me.

Blood red hair comes into view. Fujimiya. What is with Schwarz-tai-Weiss? Nagi and Omi (which I don't have a problem with) and Crawford… hold on, maybe not. They're just sitting there – about two feet apart, actually- talking. Just talking. About everything and anything –except our previous jobs- I'd guess. I'm not going to completely eavesdrop on them, that would be too rude, even for me. Seeing as I used to be out clubbing most of the night while I was in Schwarz, he could have been sneaking off for a long time and I would never have noticed. That's what they are- old friends. That's it.

Two hours later, they're still talking. Honestly, what can they have been talking about this long?

I peer a bit further out of the bush I'm hiding in when I see Crawford stand up, maybe we're leaving and that's the truth- friends. I have a chance. I hope. We get to go home and I get to plot ways to make my future lover fall in love with me. Actually, I'd better leave now, make it home before the almighty Oracle makes it back. I never left, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Okay, I'm not literally sticking to my story but I am stuck to something. This is why I _**hate**_ nature.

I'm stuck to the tree.

Okay, more like my jacket is caught on the tree, but it's the same thing, really. None too gently but quietly, I mess around with the branch, silently pleading with the tree to give my jacket back. It barely works, as I go flying back into the bush.

Bradley glances over in my direction, but I remain undetected. With a small tilt of his head, he turns to leave.

Then I hear the faint whimpering- once….twice…three times. Bradley has stopped moving. Could it be?

It is. Fujimiya Ran is softly whimpering. That's a little scary. He also has a tight grip on one of Bradley's wrists. There's a hopeful, pleading look on his face. God damn it, Bradley's _mine_. Or, he will be, anyway. Plus, I don't think Bradley's going to want to ruin their friendship with a relationship.

Ran's mind is packed with thoughts – 'don't forget me' and 'I love you'. Big phrases from a normally silent guy. This is a new side of Fujimiya Ran – his real side?- But that's exactly what my mind looks like as well, except for that mine includes the thought 'why don't you love me?' That thought is absent from Fujimiya's head. Why?

Bradley is a willing victim in this 'game', I think. He gently pulls Ran up off the park bench, until the redhead- the other redhead- is eye-level with him- and about a foot away. As they stare at each other, I can see love shining in Fujimiya's now expressive eyes. I don't bother to look at Bradley, for fear of seeing the same emotion. Bradley says something in English that I don't understand, and Ran's eyes widen. I don't like where this is going.

My original suspicions were correct. Bradley walks closer to the redhead- still not me- and kisses him. Softly, gently, and in control. Just like I always dreamed a kiss from Bradley would be like. He says something else to Ran and Ran sighs before walking off. Bradley's standing there with a slight smile…no, a smirk?... on his face again. Bastard.

I'm not sad like I thought I would be, I'm really pissed off and I have the inescapable urge to kill. Is this how Farfarello feels? It feels really good, you know.

My hand creeps to the gun I always carry on the inside pocket of my jacket, and wrapping my fingers around the handle, I quickly pull it out. If I can't have Bradley Crawford, no one can. Cocking the hammer, I take a step out of the bush, and watch as Brad turns around and faces me.

"Greetings, Schuldig."

His voice is too light-hearted, how I hate him. Ran Fujimiya shall know my pain. The pain of not being able to be with the one you love. I lift the gun until it's pointing at Crawford's stomach. His eyes widen a bit, he was too off guard because of Ran and didn't see this coming. Well, surprise! Goodbye. I fire one shot and watch with a sense of happiness as the single bullet rips through his stomach, skin; blood; and tissue flying everywhere. It pierces him as painfully as his rejection pierced my heart. My heart shattered, and his life shall serve as payment. He falls down, obviously in pain. But he'll never show it. I didn't want to kill him right away, I wanted to tell him something first, let him die knowing what even he, the Oracle, the fortuneteller, could not see.

I walk forward and bend down to loop my arms underneath him. I pick him up, and am pleased when I receive no resistance. I gaze at him for a second before I kiss him. Bruisingly, there will be no sugary sweet sap for myself or him. This is so he dies with my taste on his lips and no room for thoughts of Fujimiya. Let his final thoughts be of me. And only of me.

"I used to think of it as a weakness, that it would be my downfall. And I was right."

No. Don't speak. You're not supposed to speak, not like that. I didn't have a weakness, my feelings were not weak. They did not distract me. They didn't! I open my mouth to speak and you start to talk again.

"Let me talk. I'm dying, Schuldig. And I demand you listen to me."

I nod. Nothing you can say will affect me anymore.

"I don't even understand what it was with Abyssinian. I guess he was the closest thing I could have to you, without actually crossing the line and having you."

No, not now. Don't tell me these things right now. I don't want the guilt, the pain. Not this!

"Schuldig… I…lo…"

No more. There's no more. I glance down to the man I hold in my arms. Nothing but a corpse now. Bradley Crawford is dead, and I'm the one who killed him. Me! I killed the only person I ever loved. Actually loved. Death would be better than this, much better.

I feel the cold metal of the gun burning into my foot. Setting the rapidly cooling body of my would-be lover down, I pick the gun up. No happy endings for me, folks. Pressing the barrel against my temple, a quote comes to my mind. "Let those who can love not die too easy a death." Well, just to be cliché- Goodbye cruel world. I tense my finger around the trigger. This is it, the end. So it goes.

(End Schuldig's P.O.V.)

Another gunshot goes off before the silence of the night resumes. Two bodies lay crumpled next to each other on the ground, while bits of red hair, flesh and bone cover them, with a smoking gun lying in between.

And from behind a tree, Yohji Kudou silently cried.

/3/3/3/3/3/3/3/3/3

(1) I don't think it's officially said Schuldig's German. I'm pretty sure a Weiss book says that he's from Germany, but that doesn't mean he's German. But in my heart, I want to hear Schuldig with a German accent… go home, Schuldig! Go home! ;

(2) Okay, so this isn't true. It's just a running joke between me and my friends. For those Rammstein fans, look at Till Lindemann in Live aus Berlin…and you should be able to figure it out.

I have Schuldig switch between Bradley and Crawford because I see those two being different sides of Crawford, with Bradley being his 'childish' side- the side he used to be- and Crawford being the stick-up-the-ass leader of Schwarz we're all used to.

Bonus, non-existent points to those who spot the Kurt Vonnegut (Slaughterhouse Five) reference.

Click the button? Please? It's not necessary, but greatly appreciated.

Written June 1, 2004 by Schu-chan... retyped for posting July 12, 2004.


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